


Saying Goodbye Is So Hard To Do

by sublime42



Series: Lucifer Ageplay [5]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Crying, Death, Needy Lucifer, Non-Sexual Age Play, Panic Attacks, Sad Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 00:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20787947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sublime42/pseuds/sublime42
Summary: Lucifer's friend dies suddenly in front of him, and Lucifer blames himself.





	Saying Goodbye Is So Hard To Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fandomoverload](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomoverload/gifts).

Oliver wasn't anyone particularly important. Not in the scheme of things. He didn't change the world or anything, but he was something that many people might consider quite rare: he was a good man.

He had been working security at the precinct garage for over twenty years, and he knew most people by name. He made it a point to smile and greet them. And for some reason, he was especially nice to Lucifer.

00

No one had ever directly told Oliver about the age play thing, yet somehow he seemed able to sense when Lucifer was in his little space. On those days, he was extra nice. He was able to get down on Lucifer's level, talking to him as he would talk to an actual child.

Lucifer liked him. He was always happy to see Oliver, especially when he was little. Once, when there was a very gruesome murder that Chloe thought might be too much for Lucifer to handle, Oliver had let him stay in the little guard house to "help" him work. 

Oliver told him stories, like how he had built his sons a tree house and had gone to test it only to find it wasn't quite as sturdy as he had hoped. He had ended up crashing through the floor and landing in a thorny rose bush. That one had made Lucifer laugh a lot.

If Lucifer was feeling a little older, Oliver's stories would get more serious. Lucifer loved the one about how Oliver had met his wife after a car accident. Oliver had accidentally rear ended Wendy's new convertible and she had yelled at him profusely. Oliver had thought her the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, though, and had called her twenty times before she finally accepted an invite to dinner. That story gave him hope in some weird way, that maybe one day he and Chloe could be together.

The most important thing that Oliver did for Lucifer was believe him about being the devil. Or at least, Oliver acted like he believed him. He listened patiently to Lucifer's talk about his brothers, life in heaven, things that had happened in hell. He always appeared interested and would respond as if he completely believed every aspect. 

The final thing that made Lucifer really like him was that Oliver always gave him candy. "You remind me so much of my grandson," he would say. "And he loves this chocolate, so you have one too." Then he would hand over a fun sized candy bar or two.

If Chloe and Dan were the parents that Lucifer wished he had, Oliver was like a surrogate grandfather.

00

Lucifer could never have anticipated what had happened, nor would he ever forget it.

The day had started out fairly normal. Lucifer had woken up feeling very young, and so he'd been left with Oliver while Chloe and Dan investigated a homicide. The morning went well enough; Lucifer was allowed to push the button to open the gate for cars that were leaving,and Oliver gave him a couple of candies, which Lucifer promised not to tell Chloe about.

At lunch, Oliver led Lucifer to a nearby diner, kindly offering to buy him a meal. They were sitting and chatting when the door opened and a man wearing a mask walked in.

"Hands up!" He yelled at the manager working the cashier. He had a gun, and began waving it wildly. "Everyone shut up and stay put!"

There were gasps and a woman let out a frightened scream, but after that, everyone quieted.

Lucifer was stunned. Part of him knew he should help. He was probably the only one who _could_ help, but he was terrified. Oliver seemed to notice this and placed a hand on top of Lucifer's shaking one. 

"It's okay," he whispered, "Stay calm."

The gunman turned in their direction. 

"I said SHUT UP!" He growled, before turning back to the manager. "I want all your money in a bag. I know you have more in the back - I know how you helped Rocco with the bank hit and that you're storing it here - you give it to me or you're dead!"

The manager shook his head.

"Y-yes, okay, okay," he put his hands up. "I'll get it, just please don't shoot."

He slowly backed away and the gunman turned his attention back towards the other people.

"You all stay put!"

Oliver's tightened his grip on Lucifer's hand. He could tell that the poor boy was very scared. Lucifer, for his part, was watching the robber intently. When he noticed that the man was now pointing his gun at a woman and child, he knew he had to act. He had to be brave and step in.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to stand. 

'Bullets can't hurt me,' he reminded himself.

Seeing Lucifer get up, the robber pointed his gun at him.

"You want to die today?" He asked.

"You need to leave," Lucifer said, his voice wavering due to the fear he felt. Trying to age up so quickly wasn't easy, and he felt like he was half in an adult mindset and half in a kid mindset.

"You need to sit down!" 

Right then, Oliver reached for Lucifer's hand, trying to grab him to force him to sit. Before Lucifer could even react, a shot was fired. Suddenly there was blood pouring from Oliver's chest. 

"No, no no!" Lucifer cried out. He wasn't sure whether to help Oliver or take the gunman down. 

Then another shot rang out. Lucifer felt something hit his chest, and it felt like the wind was knocked out of him. The last thing he remembered was falling to the ground.

00

Lucifer woke up several minutes later, after the police had arrived. Chloe and Dan were there, Dan apparently having taken down the robber. Lucifer noticed that he was still on the ground, apparently they hadn't gotten EMS in yet.

Then it hit him - Oliver had been shot, too!

He pushed himself up and looked around, noticing that two people were trying to help the older man. 

"He's not breathing," one of them - a young woman who he now noticed was wearing scrubs - said. 

"EMS is around the block," Chloe yelled. She kneeled next to Oliver and began checking for a pulse.

When she noticed Lucifer, she stood up, allowing another officer to take her spot. She quietly helped Lucifer to his feet and led him outside.

00

If he thought his father would listen, Lucifer would have considered trading something in exchange for a few more years with his friend, but after all that had happened when he had bargained to save Chloe, his dad wasn't apt to step in again.

It made him feel helpless. While Chloe drove him home, she had gotten a call that Oliver didn't make it; there was nothing that could have been done to save him. 

The knowledge that his friend was truly gone, and that his actions may have contributed to Oliver's demise, made Lucifer feel sick. As the minutes wore on, it felt like it was getting harder and harder to breathe. He felt dizzy, and had begun gasping for air when Chloe pulled over.

Thankfully, she recognized it as a panic attack. She calmly put the car in park and put her hands on Lucifer's shoulders.

"You're okay, Luci. You're okay, come on, close your eyes and listen to my voice."

Lucifer obeyed, tears running down his face. He sniffled and started to choke.

Chloe frowned. This attack seemed particularly severe. 

She did her best to pull him into a hug and began to rub his back.

"Lucifer, you're okay. You're fine, I'm with you. I need you to concentrate on my voice, okay?"

Then the sobbing stopped, and Lucifer went limp. He'd blacked out.

00

Lucifer awoke in Chloe's bed, dressed in his pajamas and wearing a diaper. He didn't remember much, and he still felt extremely tired. Somewhere, he could hear people talking. Chloe was talking, apparently to Linda? Why would Linda be there?

The memories came back to him quickly. The feeling of helplessness and fear came rushing back, and he fell as he attempted to get out of bed. Having landed flat on his face, he began to cry. There were footsteps as Chloe and Linda opened the door.

"Hey, did you fall?" Chloe asked.

She and Linda helped him to sit up, and Chloe began checking him over for injuries.

"S-stop," he begged, "P-please."

Chloe nodded and took a step back, watching as Lucifer continued to cry.

After another minute, Linda spoke up.

"Lucifer, I know you're feeling a lot of emotions right now. I'm here to help you, okay?" she said gently. 

"H-he's gone. I k-killed him," Lucifer said. He'd begun to shake. His whole body felt overheated but too cold at the same time. "Oh god," he whispered. "Oh god." He was going to be sick, he could feel it, and within seconds he was dry heaving. Having not eaten in hours, nothing came up. Chloe rubbed his back nonetheless.

"Okay, I think you need to rest, okay?" Linda said. "I'm going to give you something to make you feel better."

Lucifer didn't reply. He could barely hear her talking, much less make out what she was saying.

Linda retreated to the living room where she kept her purse. She soon returned with a glass of water and a pill.

"Open your mouth for me," she said, kneeling so that she was at Lucifer's eye level.

Lucifer shakily complied, and allowed her to place the pill on his tongue. She then held the glass of water to his lips.

"Take a sip, swallow the pill. It's going to help you feel better, okay?" 

Lucifer did as he was told. 

Twenty minutes later, he felt a little better. A little sleepy, but he wasn't breathing so heavily, and his thoughts seemed less muddled.

00

Linda stayed at the apartment for hours, trying to keep Lucifer calm while allowing him to talk through his feelings. He'd mentioned how he felt like it was his fault that Oliver had been shot, how he could never forgive himself for this. By the time she left, late that night, she felt she may have gotten him to a somewhat better place mentally, but they still had a long way to go.

She therefore was not surprised when Chloe told her that Lucifer stayed home the next day. It seemed like something had changed in him, like he had regressed to a younger age than usual. He refused to eat unless someone fed him, and refused to help get dressed. It took both Chloe and Maze to get him into a diaper and a pair of PJs. 

Feeling nervous about this turn of events, Chloe called in sick to stay with him. Not knowing what else to do, she put on some shows meant for babies and settled in with him on the couch. It only occurred to her later why he was acting in such a way: he was in pain, and simply wanted total support.

00

Things remained this way for two days. Lucifer barely spoke, instead communicating by pointing or whining. He refused most solid food save for things like oatmeal, and he only ate that if Chloe spoon fed it to him.The rest of the time he insisted on drinking from a sippy cup.

Chloe allowed it, her gut instinct telling her that this was what Lucifer needed to cope. 

The thing that scared her most was how often he seemed to cry. It was almost constant. The smallest thing would set him off, and he would be inconsolable for hours sometimes. It got to where Chloe just let him cry himself out. She felt guilty about it, but what else could she do?

On the third day she called for backup. That night, Dan and Linda arrived to help.

00

Clearly, Linda couldnt do things the way she normally did. She would have to act more like a child psychologist. With that in mind, she brought along dolls, paper and crayons.

Lucifer had refused to eat that evening despite being hungry and so he was quite fussy. In the interest of a productive session, she offered him a cookie that she had bought along the way.

Lucifer perked up a little when he saw it. He reached for it, but didnt eat it. Rather, he sort of gnawed on it like a small child might.

"Lucifer, I was thinking we might play today, or draw a picture. What do you think?"

Lucifer shrugged.

"Alright." Linda placed a piece of paper in front of him along with a box of crayons.

"How about you draw me a picture?"

Lucifer sighed, but opened the box with his free hand. He regarded the colors carefully before choosing one. For the next few minutes he colored in silence. When he finally finished, he pushed the paper towards Linda.

It looked like a person standing in the middle of a group of people. The first person was red, the rest were black. One other person was drawn in light blue. 

"Hmm. Who is that?" She pointed at the red person.

"Me," Lucifer answered. He put the cookie in his mouth again and licked it.

"And it looks like you're in a group of people. What are they doing?"

Lucifer tensed and put the cookie down. Suddenly he looked very sad.

"Angry," he whispered. 

"They're angry? Why?"

"Bad." Was his only response. 

"You're bad?"

Lucifer sniffled then nodded in agreement. 

"I see... why do the people think you're bad?"

"Because!" He yelled, glaring at her now. A flash of his adult self shined through for a brief second before he returned to his younger headspace. 

"Why?" She pressed again.

"'Cause...it's my fault."

"You mean what happened with Oliver?"

She saw him start to tear up.

"And who is this?" She pointed at the blue person.

"Spirit. Mad too."

Lucifer sniffled again, desperately trying to keep from crying.

"You think Oliver would be angry at you too," she concluded.

Lucifer nodded and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

00

For two hours, Linda talked with Lucifer, doing her best to reassure him that no one blamed him for anything. At some points, Dan and Chloe joined in the conversation, each taking turns holding him and hugging him when he seemed to need it. In the end, he seemed much calmer, though they weren't sure if it was because he believed them or because he was tired.

Still, it must have done something, because the next morning, which was the morning of Oliver's wake, Lucifer awoke in an older headspace. 

He definitely wasn't in adult mode, Chloe knew that much. She guessed that his mental age was around six or seven now. 

That morning, Lucifer had tried to get dressed. He managed to get his pants pulled up and a shirt on his arms, but he was having trouble with the buttons. Thankfully Dan was there to help. He got Lucifer dressed correctly within a few minutes. 

He was quiet on the drive over, his index and middle fingers in his mouth as he gripped Draco with his free hand. They'd noticed him sucking his fingers more and more lately. Apparently it soothed him.

Dan wrapped an arm around Lucifer's shoulders when they exited the car, and led him inside, Chloe following behind. Judging by the amount of cars, a lot of people had turned up to honor the old man.

His children were in the front of the room near Oliver's coffin, which was open. The sight made Lucifer tense up and he stopped moving.

Dan pulled him to the side of the room.

"I know it's kind of scary, seeing your friend there," he said. "It's totally okay if you don't want to go up, but doing so might make you feel better. You can say goodbye to him."

Lucifer bit his lip. The whole thing made his stomach hurt, and he felt like crying again. He not only feared seeing Oliver, but that Oliver's kids might be angry with him.

"You'll come?" He finally asked.

"Of course," Dan replied.

00

Oliver looked like he was sleeping. It really wasn't as scary as Lucifer thought it would be. There wasn't any blood, or gore of any kind.

Looking down at his friend, he felt the urge to say something, do something. Then it hit him. He closed he eyes and began to pray.

"Dad...I know I'm not your favorite child, but I hope that doesn't impact my friend. He was a good man, and he deserves peace."

There was no response, not that he expected one, but it felt kind of good to get that out.

The feeling of a hand on his shoulder snapped him from his thoughts. It was Oliver's son who had touched him. 

"Hey," the man smiled at him. "You must be Lucifer. My name is Oliver too, by the way. But everyone calls me Ollie. I just wanted to tell you that we're having people over the house later today to celebrate dad, if you and your friends want to come by. Dad talked about you a lot, after all."

Ollie's smile was just like his father's, Lucifer realized. 

"Good things?" Lucifer asked shyly.

"Always good things. He cared about you a lot."

Lucifer felt as if a burden had been lifted off of him.

"I'd like that," he answered softly. 

He still felt sad, but on some level, he felt slightly better.


End file.
